I looked out the window this morning and saw snow. It covers everything. Every time I see snow, my first feel is, "No snowflake falls on an inappropriate place." The second feeling is always, "Am I just lucky? Never in my life have I seen an imperfect snowflake."
Knowing these words to be 100% true, without doubt or reservation, I sometimes laugh. In my past, I used to be eager to believe that You and I are different than the luminous snowflakes I see, stretched in front of my eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind. I was always looking for what was wrong... looking to see the imperfection... noticing what was not graceful in myself and others. That darkness and narrowness of mind allowed for all kinds of silliness and sadness to prevail during what I called as a teenager, the "Dark times."
Under the direction of solid mentors... unwavering and relentless teachers such as Eido Shimano Roshi, Genjo Marinello Osho... I've been helped... guided... assisted in the process of what Roshi used to call, unifying my heart. I'm ceaselessly grateful.
Now, in this moment, we can see... notice... feel... the unending, ever sustained beauty that doesn't just live within each snowflake, but You and I as well. That's why I sometimes like to say, "This really is our very best life. It's not out there, somewhere waiting for us." If we use our mind in a helpful and skillful way, we can know it right now. When we drop our every day, distracted mind, we can see It. But that is a personal decision and choice. No one can make it for us.
Today is Friday. That is true. But Today is also what I'd call, "Perfect You!" There is no fundamental difference between the snowflake and self... those that we care or don't care for and self. My teacher sometimes says to me, "Seiho, can't you see that the whole world is shining? That included you too." And from the heart of Being, I can and do at times say Yes, by how I live my life, not just with myself, but Perfect You too. How can it be otherwise?
Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,
Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO
Be careful who you choose to associate with....
❚❚❚❚❚❚❚ ❚❚❚❚❚❚
❚❚❚❚ ❚❚❚❚❚❚❚ ❚❚❚❚
❚❚❚❚❚❚, ❚❚❚❚❚❚❚ ❚❚❚❚
❚❚❚-❚❚❚-❚❚❚❚
August 5, 1993
The Board of Trustees
Zen Studies Society
223 E. 67th
New York, N.Y. 10021
Dear Board of Trustees,
On September 3, 1992, I arrived alone at Dai Boatsu Zendo with much anticipation. This was to be my first experience at a Buddhist monastery and I naively did not know what to expect. I looked forward to zazen, Buddhist studies, Dokusan, and koan study with Eido Roshi. He had been highly recommended as a great teacher by my well respected peers and instructors in ❚❚❚❚❚❚❚.
From the very beginning, I felt Eido Roshi "noticing" me. He would often stop me in the hall or call me into his meeting room to give me a small gift, I assumed he was this way with everyone. However, my assumptions changed the first night o f Dokusan during Golden Wind sesshin when he pulled me toward him and kissed me on the mouth! He said, "The first time I saw you, something clicked into place for me. Perhaps something will happen between us in the future... hmmm?" This was the first time physical contact had occurred between us. This same behavior continued during 80% of subsequent Dokusans, but he progressed from hugging and kissing me to touching my breasts. At one point, he told me that he wanted to make love with me. I told him, "No." He looked directly in my eyes and said " don’t wait too long." I experienced his statement as a veiled threat that he would abandon me spiritually and emotionally if I did not comply with his wishes. So, due to my own weakness and fear, I did as he wanted. At the end of "Dokusan" he would make a date with me to visit him in his quarters that night where we would have sexual intercourse, He made it clear to me that no one was to see me entering his quarters as it would cause him "a lot of trouble."
During three different occasions I expressed my concern to him
that I was. deceiving my dear friends, ❚❚❚❚❚❚ and ❚❚❚❚❚, and my fiance, ❚❚❚❚❚❚. I told him that I wanted to tell them because I did not feel right about keeping a deliberate secret of this magnitude. He said, "Lie" I was literally sick after he said this. I felt poisoned. On one hand, I did not want to cause trouble for him, and on the other hand, something was extremely wrong for me! This miserable affair lasted until I left, the zendo on December 11. 1992.
Upon my return to ❚❚❚❚❚❚❚ I began to wake up and realize my own responsibilities (or lack of them) in this affair. What a relief it was for me to finally let the secret out! I have been in therapy since January exploring the roots of my specific psychological woundedness which allowed me to become so entangled with Eido Roshi. I feel deep shame and embarrassment that I submitted to him and did not find and maintain my sense of rightness. I am very angry that I was so used by a man in whom I put intimate spiritual trust . To put it briefly, I have a long history o f complying with male dominance and giving away my personal power. Sadly, many other women in this culture and worldwide have been handed this same legacy of fear if we do not comply with patriarchal values. And men like Eido Roshi prey upon these women.
To conclude, yes, I had my responsibilities that I should have maintained in order to restrain Eido Roshi's advances. But that is not really the central issue here. The crux of this situation is the fact that he continues to breach fiduciary trust and the fact that his behavior causes much pain to many people. In my own experience, the moment he crossed that sacred boundary with me, something precious was slain in my hope for spiritual realization. As teacher, it is absolutely his responsibility to maintain an impeccable sexual boundary with his female students so that essential ground of trust will grow.
Sincerely,
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❚❚❚❚❚❚❚ ❚❚❚❚❚❚
My Commission Expires May 27,1996
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